The Day I Knew

by | Aug 19, 2013 | Life, Portraits | 10 comments

This is a true story. As right and true as all those years of remembering can make it. 

The only thing I recall about that day, that year, that godawful time in my life, was the portrait of the old man. He was a refugee from a war or famine, maybe a flood… I don’t recall. I guess you could say it was a godawful time in his life too. Anyway, I found his photo in the newspaper and knew I NEEDED to sketch it, because that was what I did back then. I sketched. I drew. I made art whenever I could. Which wasn’t too often.

Because I was in school, taking classes that sucked me dry like bones left out too long in the sun. Sensible classes. Mandatory classes. And when I wasn’t in school I was studying or waiting tables at a diner in the mall. Working late into the night, telling men twice my age I wasn’t interested. Then going home and doing the same thing the next day. School. Work. Assignments. And when I was lucky, when I could fit it in, the occasional soul liberating drawing.

But not often enough.

Pause here for the violins.

The portrait of the old man was pinned to the wall by the front door of the crappy duplex in the crappier neighborhood. A pencil sketch really, on cheap paper. I was on my way out to work, maybe school, but I stopped and studied it. And then I surprised myself and said with my real voice, not the voice inside my head that was always telling me bad things, “This is good. This really is good.”

And the boy slouched on the sofa, the handsome boy who spent his hours, his days smoking dope and not doing much else said, “Yes it is.”

The light went on inside my head, sparks, and I said, “I could be an art major.”

The boy who’d been sucking the life out of me for way too long sucked the weed deep into his lungs, holding it there and saying in a strangled voice as he tried not to exhale, “Yes you can.”

And I KNEW I was right. And he was right. And that was HUGE because we never agreed about anything.

So I became an art major. The joy came back into my life.

And the boy went out of it. Eventually.

As near as I remember that’s the way it went. Except I left out the drama. Because I was twenty years old, there was plenty of drama.

Until I learned to exhale.

Now because this is an art blog and I’m an artist I suppose you want to see a picture. Even one that has nothing to do with the story. So here’s a sketch I happen to have on my camera roll. 

from the sketchbook SLPorter

from the sketchbook
SLPorter

We’ll call it Portrait of Me If I Looked Like That. But it’s really Random Sketch While Watching TV.

Here’s what I really look like these days.

Self Portrait Susan Lobb Porter

Self Portrait
Susan Lobb Porter

As always, would LOVE to hear from you in the comments below.

10 Comments

  1. Michelle on August 19, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    Ah, the sweet day you liberated your soul! Thank you, so much, for telling your story. Honest, sweet and powerful. Wouldn’t it be cool if all artists told their stories? That moment we remembered, decided, liberated our souls? It’s what life is about – our stories. So happy you became and art major… and then an artist. So glad I bumped into you, Susan L. Porter!
    Michelle recently posted..Call of The Wild HairMy Profile

  2. Susan on August 19, 2013 at 10:29 AM

    So glad I bumped into you too, Michelle. And yes, we are all about our stories. After I published this I thought how cool it would be to put together a collection of self-discovery stories. Stay tuned for more about that! 🙂

  3. Kelly D on August 19, 2013 at 10:41 AM

    I love the way you tell your story and the images you bring forth in the telling. So happy you are finding your true way.

  4. Susan on August 19, 2013 at 11:12 AM

    It’s a never ceasing journey, Kelly, but it’s a glorious path!

  5. Mo at Mocadeaux on August 19, 2013 at 11:16 AM

    Most of us don’t have such a dramatic, life changing “aha” moment…or we don’t recognize and act on it as you did. I’m so glad that you answered your true calling (and dumped the stoner). And I love the name of your sketch, “Portrait of Me if I Looked Like That”. Brilliant!!
    Mo at Mocadeaux recently posted..Words of WisdomMy Profile

  6. Susan on August 19, 2013 at 1:06 PM

    It’s interesting because I haven’t thought of that moment in years, Mo, not until the other day. There were many moments along the path but that was the one that pointed me back to art, back to myself.