She’s a newly turned 4 year old. The Energizer Bunny in a princess dress.
There are no off buttons.None. Nada.
I’ve been visiting for her birthday, cementing my place in her consciousness by being the one who wears princess dresses. Just. Like. Her.
I’ve done my best to keep up.
We’ve jumped in the Bouncy House.
Played games.
Hidden from the world in the castle -that-is-a-tent.
And then, because it’s something grandmas do, I passed along my wisdom and taught her how to take photos with my iphone. Which she did. Often.
So she could take pictures of me.
I’ll be getting on a plane soon and going back home. Home to a husband, a couple of dogs, the horses and the cat. Going home to my job. To my studio. To-do lists. Marketing plans. To my life a couple thousand miles away from hers.
I’m going to miss her, oh how I’ll miss her. But I’ll be back. Got some more dancin’ to do.
I found sweet Lana lying by the gate today. She was dead. From the looks of things, she just keeled over. Ka-boom. Just. Like. That.
She wasn’t sick. Wasn’t in pain. And ever the sweet pony that she was, she didn’t put me in the heart wrenching position of having to make THAT decision.
She actually did me a favor dying like that. An old horse, a very old horse, moving on to wherever it is old horses go. Leaving the body she no longer needed right there by the gate. By the gate…so we could get her out of there easy peasy. If you ever even contemplated moving a dead horse you’d know how considerate that is.
Oh God, I’m going to miss her so.
Lana 1980-2013
Going to miss that deep throaty nicker every time she caught sight of me. Her boundless enthusiasm as she cantered up to the fence for dinner. Or just to say hi, as recently as yesterday. Her kick-ass I’m the boss mare attitude towards the others in the herd. Her catch me if you can shennigans when the the mood was upon her.
Lovin’ on Lana
I’m going to miss her, oh how I’ll miss her. But she didn’t go before she taught me the lesson I needed to learn, that it’s okay to open your heart, okay to risk it all by loving someone. Even when you know that someone isn’t going to be around forever. Even though that love will someday break your heart.
I wrote all about that here. And because of that lesson, I also know it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling now. Which is shitty.
Really, it’s okay.
Because shitty will pass. And when it does, the lesson learned will be stronger than ever. It’s okay to love. To feel deeply. To be vulnerable. And it’s okay to feel good again.
Thank you Lana, for teaching me that. Happy trails. Namaste. And while you’re galloping around up in pony heaven, say hi to Roy and Dale and Jesus for me.
One hundred days ago I began a daily practice of photographing my horses.
One hundred days. Who’da thunk it?
Something interesting happened during that time…
I fell in love with Lana.
With Saki.
With Jasmine.
Fell in love with them all over again. Let my heart open up to them once more. Even tho they’re old and will break it soon enough.
I no longer worry about being vulnerable because I’m learning to EXPERIENCE the present. To embrace what is, RIGHT NOW. Including me, at this stage of my life, gray hair and all.
We’ve been together a long time, two horses, a donkey and moi.
We’re all getting old. One of the horses is at the DMD stage, damn near dead. Except even at the overripe age of 33 she’s as healthy as, well, a horse.
The other one isn’t far behind. At 26 he’s pushing the age thing. And the last few years he’s had skin problems that make his life miserable every summer.
The donkey came to me as a rescue 13 years ago. I knew she had issues but I signed on for the duration. At 17 she’s the baby of the bunch. Just recently her gray coat has begun showing signs of the other kind of gray.
Just like me.
Last month I began taking their photographs every day. It was an exercise for Catherine Just’s Soul*full eCourse. I signed up for the class because I love love love love LOVE Catherine’s photography. And philosophy. And great big BEAUTIFUL heart.
This is not your average photography class. The word aperture has not been mentioned once. Then again, with a tagline of deepen your mind*body*spirit connection what was I expecting?
I wasn’t expecting to resume my long dormant daily meditation practice. Or take up Qi Gong again. I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with my gray hair or to feel comfortable enough in my own skin to take self-portraits.
Often. Like every time I whip out the camera. Just because I can.
Even though I always did my best to avoid being photographed. Even though I cringed at the toll age has taken on my face.
The first week of class we were given an assignment to photograph something in our daily life. And to keep photographing it every day. I decided to photograph the horses every morning when I fed them. Simple enough. Throw the iPhone in my pocket, snap a few pictures, post ’em online.
But it turned into something much more than that. First I began arting them up in one app or another, turning snapshots into something more interesting. And I began including myself in many of the photos. My first thing in the morning self. Pre-shower. Pre-coffee. Sleepy eyes, puffy face, uncombed hair and all SELF.
And as I documented this ritual, as I studied the images, I realized I was falling in love all over again. In love with old horses who will break my heart soon enough.
And in love with myself. Because I’m no longer afraid to love old horses. Or anyone else.
You can see more of these photos on my FaceBook page. And if you like what you see, please share with your friends. And say hello in the comments below. I love to hear what you have to say. As always, heart emoticons here. xoxoxo
Is it Wednesday already? Is it really??? OMG, I’m hyperventilating. Spinning in circles. Because…it’s time once again for RANDOM ACTS OF ART!!!
Random acts of feeling good. Spirit lifting. Day making. Love littering. Random Random RANDOM ACTS OF ART!
YAY!!!
So here’s RAA(W for Wednesday) in a nutshell. First, make something. Anything. We’ve had people leave mini-paintings, painted rocks, posters with feel good rip-off tags. Book marks. Notes of encouragement rolled up in little bitty scrolls. Doesn’t matter what you make, just so long as you put some love into it.
Then hide it some place where it is sure to be found. And walk away. Just let. it. go. But before you do….take a photo. If you’re a blogger, write a post and join the Wednesday blog hop. The directions are down below where it says you are next. If you don’t have a blog, send me the photo and the details so I can add it to next week’s post.
People have hidden things all over the world. There are rocks hidden in the Brisbane airport. On trails in the Australian bush. In a movie theater in Norway. All sorts of hiding spots in the US. New Zeeland. The UK.
In fact, we are going to take over the world with LOVE. With art. With the joy that comes from leaving little treasures to brighten some stranger’s day.
Because it feels sooooo good.
Ah, but enough talking. Enough of that now. Bring on the goods. Show me the RAAW.
Hmmm… first, a confession. From moi. Seems I was a bit of a slacker this week. Only pulled off two hides.
This one was in a tree at the bank. A perfect little nest, don’t you think? And if we can melt a banker’s heart the world will be a better place.
Keeping with the tree theme, this one is nestled among the roots at the base of a birch in front of the health food store.
So now it’s your turn. Enter the link to your post like I explained above. You can enter it any time before 11:59 PM Saturday, Pacific time. So it’s not too late to put something together and join the party. YOU HAVE UNTIL SATURDAY. Oh wait, I said that already. Just checking to see if you were paying attention.
Let’s make this a movement. Help me spread the word. Tell your friends. Like it on FaceBook. Get your kids involved. Let’s spread the luvvv throughout the world.
